I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
