she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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