I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
