where does the pee come out of this thing
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
