i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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