I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
