420 ftw
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
