im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
