Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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