Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
