Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
