none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
