They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
