if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
