I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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