i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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