Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
