Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
