My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
