omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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