my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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