There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
