I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
there is puke in my bra ... again
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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