Who wears a wallet chain?!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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