I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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