what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
