just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
