hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
