Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
