This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
