She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
