I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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