Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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