I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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