so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
