just tell him i said nine months
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
