i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
you never un-have a 4some
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
