Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize