Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
