Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
