careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
