if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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