Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
