Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
