put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
