are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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