you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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