Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
