Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
