non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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