Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
