Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Text me some of your sweat
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
