What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
