Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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