it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
