do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
