Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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