So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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