I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
