No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
