the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize