wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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