Can i not drive my cunt home
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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