i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
