We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
