It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
