Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
