i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
